she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
