When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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