Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
