if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
