Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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