My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
