Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize