You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
