The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
