don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
