Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
