Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
