Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
