He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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