it was like his penis was on wheels.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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