we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
