Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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