well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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