How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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