i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
