Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
