Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
