dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize