I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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