Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
