Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
