I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My balls are so social today.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
