i already hear my dad disowning me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
