my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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