i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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