let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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