Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
