How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
