when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
