You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
