i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
