"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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