Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize