Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize