I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
