what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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