I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
