You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
