Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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