Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
