I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
