just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
