Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
