She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
