I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
