I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
