Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
