the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
