You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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