Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
