Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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