Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
