I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
not ubering you a puppy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
