i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
