Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cannot find my penis.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
