Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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