I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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