I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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