dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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