So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
