so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
