I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
