I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PANTIES FOUND
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