never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
