is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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