I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
