I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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