Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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