I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
